As a Latina mother of four, I’ve learned that parenting is a constant journey of growth and change. I come from a blended family – two boys from my first marriage of Hispanic heritage, and two more from my second marriage who are biracial, Hispanic, and African American. I used to think that my second time around as a parent would be easier, but I quickly learned that there is always more to learn and more ways to grow.
My cultural background has played a huge role in shaping my parenting ideals. Growing up, my family’s approach to discipline was often traumatic – the “chancla” (flip flop) was thrown across the room, I was called names, and physical punishment was a common occurrence. But I’ve come to realize that my parents did the best they could with the information they had. Now, I strive to heal the generational obstacles of parenting in my own family and do things differently, while still holding on to the values that were important to me as a child.
One of the most important lessons I’ve learned is that there is no one-size-fits-all approach to parenting. We often look to outside sources like TV shows, social media, and our peers for guidance, but the truth is that the best solution is to look within ourselves. Parenting is about self-love, change, and growth, and it’s important to always keep an open mind.
To be the best parent you can be, start by loving yourself. How you treat yourself will inevitably reflect how you treat your children. Speak to yourself with love, even in the darkest of times, and use that compassion to guide your interactions with your kids. Work on strengthening your mind and body, and arm yourself with the resources you need to navigate difficult times. And most importantly, take care of yourself and your own trauma so that you can raise children who are confident and self-assured. Together, we can break generational curses through parenting
One thing I’ve learned is that apologizing to our children matters. In our home, I try to model accountability by apologizing when I make mistakes, and I also teach my children how to apologize with sincerity and emotional awareness. I encourage them to look someone in the eyes when apologizing and explain what they are apologizing for, whether it’s hurting someone’s feelings, damaging something important, or speaking harshly.
At the same time, I’ve learned that every child expresses themselves differently. Some of my children feel more comfortable writing apology letters, while another may draw pictures to express emotions and reconnect after conflict. I don’t force one specific method, but instead try to create space for communication in ways that feel emotionally safe and authentic to them.
Another major shift in my parenting has been learning to listen more instead of reacting immediately in heated moments. Rather than interrupting or yelling, I try to give my children the floor to express themselves so they feel heard and understood. I also encourage emotional expression by asking reflective questions like, “How did that make you feel?” or taking the time to explain why certain responsibilities matter instead of relying only on authority. Growing up, many of us were taught not to question our elders, but I’ve learned that sometimes explaining the “why” behind life skills and responsibilities can help children feel more respected, emotionally aware, and connected.
