In August 2021, I decided to quit my job. The pandemic caused many upheavals, and returning to work felt unnatural to me. I realized there was more to life than working and felt liberated.
With this newfound freedom, I cared for myself in a way I never had. I enrolled in college classes, focused on being a present mother, and spent time taking care of myself. This included dropping off and picking up my children from school and attending all of their school events, as I knew these were the memories that they would cherish the most.
Throughout the year that I was not working, I had the full support of my spouse, and our family was financially secure. However, my financial insecurities persisted. I had always worked and never relied on my partner to pay my bills, which made me ashamed that I couldn’t take care of myself. I was constantly worried about money, even though we had more than enough in the bank and income was still coming in. I then realized I had a money mindset trauma that needed to be addressed.
Despite my husband’s reassurances that we had the financial resources to support me not working and even encouraging me to complete my college degree, I couldn’t shake the feeling that the money in our bank account wasn’t mine. Every time I paid a bill using our joint funds, I was triggered by this belief. The money was ours, and I needed to shift to see it that way mentally.
I had always dreamed of staying home, and now that I could do so, I was self-sabotaging by letting my financial insecurities hold me back. A conversation with a friend helped put things in perspective and reminded me that my husband wanted to take care of me and that it was okay to let him do so.
A year passed, and I was offered a full-time, in-office job. While excited about the opportunity, I also felt like I had returned to work too soon and regretted not taking more time. This realization led me to understand how deep my wound was regarding money, security, and finances and how much-unhealed trauma I had around these issues.
I had difficulty accepting the feeling of being cared for an entire year and worried myself into nothingness based on unresolved emotions. Looking back, I see I had it all and didn’t know how to nurture and take care of it. My current situation is a humbling experience, but I see it as an opportunity and a gift. There are no accidents in life; sometimes, challenges and setbacks are meant to help us grow differently.
I know I have work to do to heal my money mindset trauma, and I am committed to embracing the parts of myself that require attention through shadow work. I recognize that even though I may have all the money in the world, I still operate from a lack of mindset. I am determined to intentionally remove the resistance I have felt and allow myself to grow and heal through these experiences. This is what healing and growth look like sometimes.
I challenge you to reflect on the narrative you have been telling yourself and see if it is genuinely authentic. Take the time to peel back the layers and discover what wants to blossom from your inner work.
